Fox News aired some kind of

American Idol knock-off show last night

Instead of amateur singers and a former

Laker Girl with substance abuse issues,

it featured a dozen aging white men,

most of whom require support bras

for their bulbous prostates

Fox News Channel must really have

a lot of faith in the charisma of their candidates

The only plumping-formula lipstick

they didn't apply to these pigs was... Rudy's lipstick

Even worse, though, is the debate offered proof

that Fox News appears to be making an attempt

to turn presidential debates

into a bigger mockery than the 2000

election results they allegedly helped to doctor

Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube.

"This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people, and that's why woe is us that Edward George Ruddy died.

"Because this company is now in the hands of CCA, the Communications Corporation of America; there's a new chairman of the board, a man called Frank Hackett, sitting in Mr. Ruddy's office on the twentieth floor.

And when the 12th largest company in the world controls the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth on this network.

- 'Howard Beal' from the movie "Network", 1976 [a premonition of Rupert Murdoch & the Fox Network 'News']

Fox News aired some kind of American Idol knock-off show last night, but instead of amateur singers and a former Laker Girl with substance abuse issues, it featured a dozen aging white men, most of whom require support bras for their bulbous prostates.

The show featured a backdrop from the opening titles of Love American Style; an inexplicably loud boxing bell (could've been Senator McCain's balls -- I'll ask around); and more riotous audience reaction than episodes of TRL and ECW combined.

The audience was so manic that I'm certain the producers feared the crowd would start to compulsively tweak the broadcast gear.

Okay, so I'm told it was the second Republican presidential debate.

Really?

Well, then. Paddy Chayefsky and Peter Finch ["Network"] never envisioned anything quite as WTF as this thing.

Fox News Channel must really have a lot of faith in the charisma of their candidates, then. The only plumping-formula lipstick they didn't apply to these pigs was... Rudy's lipstick.

Even worse, though, is the debate offered proof that Fox News appears to be making an attempt to turn presidential debates into a bigger mockery than the 2000 election results they allegedly helped to doctor.

If the 1960 debates between Kennedy and Nixon were Star Wars, last night was the Wookiee Holiday Special with Mitt Romney played by Harvey Korman.

Presidential debates, yes, are awful and unsubstantial. The most interesting moment from 2004 was when President Bush slipped a gear and attacked Charlie Gibson's desk like Bobby Knight, raving in tongues something about Alexander Kwasniewski -- the president's spastic jaw knocking over the podiums.

But Fox News is doing all the wrong things to remedy this. They, in essence, gave us all the bullshit of the usual awful and unsubstantial debates, and added the production values from America's Funniest Home Videos by way of Family Feud.

So it was double the height of the usual stratospherically tall crap stick. Add anything that came out of the candidate's mouths, and make it an even triple.

Here we had Ron Paul making an extremely important and intelligent point about terrorism and Iraq.

DING-DING! went McCain's junk.

Then out of nowhere, Gene Gene The Dancing Machine rushed the stage in the form of Rudy's glib, myopic counterpoint (paraphrasing), "September 11th! We're BFFs, dear sweet September 11th. If September 11th was panties, I'd totally wear them under my slacks."

DING-DING! Huge audience applause for a good 30-seconds. I think someone flashed their breasts during the cheering. And I think that someone was Limbaugh.

Then Ron Paul was finally given a chance to respond to Giuliani's tongue kiss to 9/11 and talked about the very real concept of blowback.

The audience actually booed. Except Ted Haggard in the mezzanine who thought Paul was talking about actual blow.

And following the show, Randy Jackson said Ron Paul "sounded a little pitchy." What?

That's right. There's a war on. Human beings are faced with a climate crisis that could kill millions of us worldwide. American jobs are vanishing in lieu of cheap labor overseas.

America's reputation abroad is worse than its reputation here. And, just like the news itself, Fox News Channel is turning the presidential debate process into everything that's brazen, shallow and sucky about American pop culture. Bob Cesca @ HuffPo