Wouldn’t you love to know what’s

really going on behind the scenes in the oval office?

There seems to be a webcam in

every co-ed’s dorm room in America,

so why isn’t there one in Bush's bathroom?

What are our puppet masters hiding from us?

It used to be said that religion

was the opium of the masses.

Now we need more than God

Along comes the cavalry aka

the entertainment industry

What better way to keep the masses somatized

than to give them the lowest common denominator?

It's not quite bread and circuses

More like shopping and celebrity culture

Wouldn’t you love to know what’s really going on behind the scenes in the oval office, the room where the lives of the people of earth are manipulated?

Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall in the oval office? Not that flies can understand English but who’s perfect?

There seems to be a web cam in every co-ed’s dorm room in America so why isn’t there one in the oval office? What are our puppet masters hiding from us?

Why are American politicians campaigning for President 2 years before the election? Wouldn’t a one month campaign be enough?

Surely this campaign was designed to grind us all up into submission so that we will be too weak to oppose George Bush’s imminent nuclear invasion of Iran. The minute he gets the funding he’s going to push the button.

We have all been thrust into a media controlled real live Gitmo with threats that if we aren’t good little boys and girls we will be forced to watch Lucy reruns forever.

Bill and Hillary and Chelsea back in the White House for another 8 years, 3000 days. Is America that lame that all we can come up with is Bushes and Clintons?

Is there nobody out there? Why do bad things happen to good people? What did we do to deserve this Chinese water torture?

Thank God for Celebrity Culture!

It used to be said that religion was the opium of the masses. As long as people were promised eternal paradise in the future for chanting “Mumbo Jumbo” their rulers could basically get away with anything during their short mortal years.

Now we need more than God. Along comes the cavalry aka the entertainment industry. What better way to keep the masses somatized than to give them the lowest common denominator? It's not quite bread and circuses. More like shopping and celebrity culture.

Recently, we've had a massive all out 24/7 propaganda entertainment blitz starring Anna Nicole Smith, Larry Birkhead, Howard K. Stern, Virgie Arthur, Dannielynn Smith, Daniel Smith, Judge Larry Seidlin and Dr. Joshua Perper.

Can’t Dr. Perper wear a hat? His head has freaked us all out in a classic brainwashing technique.

Once the NBC ratings department saw that we were losing interest in the Anna Nicole Smith saga they used their own script with Don Imus to divert us again.

The mistake they made with the Anna Nicole Smith story was the guest list at the funeral. Where were President Bush and Laura? Where was Queen Elizabeth? Where was Helen Mirren?

Who were these dress designers and haidressers? They couldn’t even get Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger to attend. This was when we knew that we had been had.

These political shenanigans were not lost on the masters of suspension of disbelief, the Hollywood producers and directors. Normally film companies spend millions of dollars advertising their garbage before the film is released.

Our country has massacred 1 million innocent Iraqi men, women and children and we are all glued to our television sets and computer screens being whipped into a collective hysteria by the boob tube pseudo Sigmund Freuds terrifed that Ireland Baldwin is now going to suffer permanent debilitating psychological brain damage because her dad Alec Baldwin left her a nasty phone message.

We have gone from agonizing over the long term damage Dannielynn Smith will suffer from womb methadone to this. Howard K. Stern has now been replaced in this Western by the new villain and scapegoat for all of our self inflicted problems Alec Baldwin.

In fact, the whole thing was a publicity stunt for Alec Baldwin’s new movie Lymelife about a teenager watching his family disintegrate as his father Alec Baldwin has an affair with a woman whose husband got bitten by a deer tick and got Lyme Disease and hid in the basement smoking weed but not inhaling.

But Baldwin's already yesterday's wanker. I'm sure we won't have to wait long before Britney Spears pulls another lame stunt. Maybe Hillary Clinton will be caught by the paparazzi, knickerless, getting out of her limousine. Maybe culture and politics will collide, creating a massive implosion.

Karen Fish @ FAZ