Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment

to the Constitution on Saturday,

Bush transferred to Cheney all of

his presidential responsibilities

That menat Cheney spent Saturday jogging,

going to the gym, and hitting

a ball for Bush's dog to retrieve

Bush's doctors pronounced his procedure a success,

but said that they were having difficulty

determining whether or not the President's

anesthesia had fully worn off.

They indicated that when they asked the President

the standard post-operative questions

- such as, "What is the capital of the United States?"

- Mr. Bush got only two out of five correct.

"Before the operation, he got three

out of five right," one doctor said

The Bush "Purge"

After overcoming the initial "shock and awe" of the headline that announced that Dick "Mad Dog" Cheney would be president for a few hours on Saturday while Bush was undergoing a colonoscopy, I contemplated these events a bit further and wondered why the President didn't turn over his powers to "Vice" on Friday.

Anyone who has been through this procedure knows that the day prior to the actual colonoscopy is much worse than the procedure itself.

No one, and I cannot emphasize this enough, no one should be allowed to make any decisions of even the most trivial sort, while undergoing the "prep" for a colonoscopy.

How might this be described delicately? "Purge," a word that carries political meaning in one context, might be the best description for the "prep."

The process of purging begins with the patient drinking a foul tasting liquid with an artificial flavor (cherry, orange or lime in most cases) in large quantities at small intervals.

In some instances laxative pills are also part of the mix. The result is swift and strong, requiring lightning quick reaction time to get to the depository before detonation. One should never stray far from the facilities during this procedure.

The sheer repetition of the process is both mind numbing and extremely irritating to the rectal region. In Bush's case it gives new significance to the term "sitting president."

Given President Bush's track record in decision-making under the best of conditions, one would not want to risk any decision-making during the festivities just described.

There is no such thing as analysis, judgment, or nuance possible during this forced exit of all possible matter from the bowels.

This disruption from the eruption could put the entire world in danger. Even a day or two with "Vice" in charge is preferable to a president operating under these conditions of siege.

When undergoing this ordeal, devised no doubt by the most sadistic members of the Inquisition torture rooms, one is often reminded of a punch line from an old joke:

"Rectum?"

"Hell, it nearly killed 'em."

The colonoscopy procedure is a relatively simple one.

Before beginning the examination, the doctor will administer a painkiller and a sedative to keep the patient relaxed and calm at all times.

Then a long, flexible, lighted tube called the colonoscope is inserted into the rectum and guided into the colon.

The scope bends so the doctor can move it around the curves of the colon.

While that was happening, world order was on the brink of dramatic change on Saturday July 21, 2007 following the colonoscopy procedure performed on Bush.

However, having signed Presidential powers over to Vice President Dick Cheney, doctors were alarmed when the President appeared confused following his recovery from general anesthesia.

Doctors repeatedly asked the President, “What is the capital of the United States of America?” With each attempt, the President was unable to correctly answer the question.

The President’s aides notified the Vice President and Speaker of the House of the unfolding situation.

The situation was resolved after doctors, in checking the President’s admitting records, confirmed he did not know the capital of the United States prior to the procedure.

Later the President was observed instructing a nurse to “pull my finger” as she encouraged him to freely expel air injected during the procedure.

"You can fart now, Mr President."

The First Lady, being told of his behavior, confirmed “That’s George” and the President was declared fully recovered and fit for resumption of his office.

By the way, has anyone heard any reports of the doctors finding anything else in there that may need to be removed?

Say, like a Bill Kristol, Sean Hannity or, God forbid, Rush Limbaugh?

These three are known cancer causing agents which if found inside your colon or ear is cause for alarm.

Cheney, Briefly Assuming Bush's Duties,

Says He Enjoyed The Downtime

Vice-President Dick Cheney, having briefly assumed President Bush's duties while the President underwent a routine colon procedure on Saturday, told reporters today that he "enjoyed the downtime immensely."

The two hours and fifteen minutes spent doing Bush's job were "incredibly relaxing," Mr. Cheney said, adding that they were a welcome relief from his exacting Vice-Presidential schedule.

Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment to the Constitution Saturday morning, Mr. Bush transferred to Mr. Cheney all of his presidential responsibilities, which meant that Mr. Cheney spent Saturday jogging, going to the gym, and hitting a ball for Mr. Bush's dog to retrieve.

In addition, Mr. Cheney called the nations of East Timor and Luxembourg "evil," stumbling briefly over the pronunciation of Luxembourg.

Finally, as Mr. Bush's colon procedure was winding down, Mr. Cheney made some remarks about the Japanese economy, mistakenly using the word "devaluation" instead of "deflation," sending the NIKKEI stock market into a tailspin.

All in all, Mr. Cheney said he emerged from his brief tenure as President rested and refreshed, ready to plunge back into his demanding Vice-Presidential workload.

As for the President, Mr. Bush's doctors pronounced his procedure a success, but said that they were having difficulty determining whether or not the President's anesthesia had fully worn off.

Mr. Bush's doctors indicated that when they asked the President the standard post-operative questions - such as, "What is the capital of the United States?" - Mr. Bush got only two out of five correct.

"Before the operation, he got three out of five right," one doctor said.

Andy Borowitz @ HuffPo